Secrets
by kittybella
Summary: Like all human beings, the children of Wammy's House have secrets. Especially the top three, Mello, Near, and Matt. Rated M for a couple scenes and possibly some of Mello's language.


Hey everyone! Kittybella here! This is my first fic in some time… I hope it is ok. Oh, and it is in Mello's POV. Any way, here it is!

Secrets

Everyone has their secrets. Even I, Mello, do. This is a testament of one, maybe more, of my secrets. Consider yourself lucky for being able to read this document, for you are one of the few who may know of this. What I am about to tell you, I never even told Matt (though I will say he did find out about this, but that will come later).

Now I'm not going to just come out and blatantly say what my secret is. There wouldn't be any fun in that. No, I'm going to tell it to you in a story and it will be for you to decide what it may be.

I'm sure you already know I hate Near. I hate him with all my being. That's no secret, it is common knowledge. Everyone at Wammy's knows it. It is what was born from this hatred that no one knows. Until now.

Any way, the first day that started this problem was going by as usual. I went to my classes, played outside with the other boys, and tried to torment Near when I could. Only it is very frustrating to try to torment Near. He is so emotionless that I can never gat a good reaction out of him.

I sat across the common room from him, munching on my chocolate bar. He merely sat there, playing with his blank puzzle, as always. My previous attempts to annoy him that day failed miserably, like usual. I scowled at his pale, yet beautiful, form and watched him complete the puzzle for the umpteenth time.

…Why did I just think of his form as being beautiful?…Something in my mind was going wrong suddenly…It only made me scowl harder and chomp down on my chocolate viciously. Maybe it was because I just turned fourteen and my body and mind were going through a lot of changes. Despite this, it still made me even angrier to think that Near of all people was beautiful. I wondered why it couldn't have been one of the girls or even Matt that I had this thought about.

I cursed under my breath and looked away from that annoying twit, but only for a moment. For some odd reason, I found it hard to keep my eyes off of him. I remember that I continuously thought, _'What is wrong with me?'_

Near stood up, lifting the puzzle in its wooden frame. He glanced at me expressionlessly for a moment before leaving. I knew it was time for him to go to class. The same went for me. I almost didn't go because of my anger and because Near and I shared this class, but I went. There was no way that I could surpass Near and become number one by skipping my classes. Besides, Matt had this class too, so it was okay.

I sat beside my friend, since we didn't have a seating chart we had to follow. I grinned at him and pulled out a chocolate bar. I had finished the other one ten minutes ago. He glanced up at me from his game for a second, a smile on his face. I looked over to see what he was playing on his Game Boy. Super Mario…This did not surprise me at all. Mario was his favorite, but he also liked to play Zelda a lot.

Nothing out of the normal really happened in class today. Near answered most of the questions the teacher asked (all the others I answered) and he got all of them right. That only pissed me off more. Matt turned off his Game Boy and looked at me. He saw the apparent scowl on my face.

"Aw, don't worry Mello. You didn't miss any questions either." He was trying to cheer me up.

"That doesn't really matter when he answers more than I do. Everyday he makes a fool of me in class."

"It's not that bad Mells. You are the second after all."

I looked away, scowling herder. He didn't have to add salt to my wounds. Being second means I'm not first. "Matt, you should just shut up before you say something that will make me punch you."

He sweat dropped and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry…"

We headed for the library so we could do our homework. Something about working with Matt seemed to make it easier and faster. Maybe it is because he is at my level, but not higher than me. I wonder if my relationship with him would be different if he was ahead of me…Then would that mean that if I were number one and Near was number two, would I be really good friends with him?...Why the hell am I thinking like this today…

I closed my eyes and rubbed them with my thumb and forefinger. Why couldn't I stop thinking about Near? It was so frustrating…

"You okay Mel?" Matt asked, showing concern. "Does your head hurt or something?"

"No it doesn't. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? That look on your face says otherwise."

"Maaatt…"

I gave him a look of warning that promised bodily harm if he continued to delve into this matter. He didn't need to know that I couldn't stop thinking about Near.

"Alright, alright! I'll drop it!"

"Good."

We finished our homework in silence. Once we were done, we went to my room to hang out until dinner time. I paused for a moment outside the Common Room and gazed at Near. He was playing with that puzzle again. A girl named Linda sat next to him, talking to him and drawing. He seemed to be ignoring her for the most part. Without any explanation what so ever, I felt maddened by this. Luckily for me, Matt thought my glare was directed at Near rather than Linda.

He pulled me out of my stupor by pushing me past the Common Room. "Come on buddy. This is no time to be glaring at Near."

"Whatever! Just stop pushing me Matt!"

He giggled and stopped pushing. "You know, Mello, if you keep glaring all the time, you'll get wrinkles faster."

"Shut up Matt!"

He chuckled again as we went into my room. We talked for quite some time. I did my best to keep the subject away from Near, afraid that Mat would find out about my growing interest in him. It wasn't too hard considering Matt knows I hate that fluff ball. Soon it was time for us to go to dinner.

The dining hall was filled with children and teachers eating and talking. When meal time came, the dining hall was never quiet. Matt and I got our food and sat down. He did most of the talking while we ate. I mostly just nodded and grunted every now and then to show I was paying attention. He was telling me about the newest game for the Pay Station 2 in his room.

"I can't wait to show you Mello! It's the coolest game ever!"

"Alright, you can show me after dinner."

Matt smiled brightly when he heard this. If he had a tail, it would be wagging. Seeing him happy like this was nice. I liked to make him happy and I could tell that I did.

He stopped talking and began shoveling food into his mouth as I watched, bemused. I love how enthusiastic he is. It helps to bring my spirits up when I'm down. Matt is a very good friend and I am very grateful for that.

Unfortunately, no matter how much time I spent with him, Near wouldn't leave my mind…I wish I knew what was happening and why he wouldn't leave my mind. I looked at his pale visage at the other end of the table. My heart skipped a beat when his eyes met mine and I quickly looked back down at my food. I began wolfing it down so Matt and I could leave faster.

When we put away our dishes, we left the dining hall to go to Matt's room. I glanced back at Near one more time before walking into the hall. We went into Matt's room and closed the door behind us. Matt had been warned more than once to close his door when he's playing his games. He can get emotional about it, especially if he's either winning or losing.

Matt booted up the Play Station 2 and turned on the T.V. The game loaded and Matt picked up the controller and we sat on his bed, as always. According to the title screen the game was called Kingdom Hearts. Matt looked at me and grinned.

"I've already beaten it, do you want to play?"

"Sure. I don't see why not."

He handed me the controller and I clicked on the "New Game" option. Watching the opening sequence, I wasn't surprised that it was Japanese. Mostly because Matt only chose the best games…and he's a Square Soft fan. (A/N: Square Soft is the name Square Enix used to go by and they were still Square Soft for the first Kingdom Hearts game.)

I played through the tutorial slowly. The controls were a bit difficult for me to figure out at first. I made it to the first day on the Destiny Island and challenged that Riku guy to a duel, but he whooped my ass. I kept trying, determined to beat him. Maybe it was because his white hair reminded me of Near? ...Damn I thought my mind was finally away from him…

"Grrr… How the fuck do I beat him?!" I growled after he beat me for the twentieth time.

"Here, this is how you do it."

Matt placed his hands over mine, guiding my thumbs over the buttons and analog sticks with his own. His chin rested on my shoulder and his chest was against my back. The contact with Matt was warm, even through our clothes. I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if it were Near who held his hands around mine… The shivers that would run up my back at his hot breath against my neck… His soft voice in my ear…

My imagination took it much further and soon my mind could see us kissing, accidentally at first, then harder, faster with such heat and passion… So smooth…warm…soft…

I was brought back to earth by Matt's voice in my ear. "Um…Mells is this game really _that_ fun or do you really like me touching you?"

"Huh?"

I saw that he was looking down at my lap, a slight blush on his cheeks. I looked down too, wanting to know what he was talking about and why he was blushing… And I began to blush too… My thoughts and fantasies of Near caused me to become aroused. Matt had seen my arousal and thought that he had been the one to cause it… I guess that if you think about it he kind of did…but I still blame Near anyway.

"Do you want me to take of it?" Matt asked when I didn't answer after a few minutes.

"But don't you like girls?"

"I do, but I want to experiment a little, don't you?"

I didn't answer. The truth was that I did. Hell, I wouldn't mind experimenting with Matt, but in all actuality I wanted to do it with Near more than anyone. Why Near though? I hated him. This made no sense whatsoever. After a few minutes of silence, I finally had an answer for Matt. Hesitantly, I nodded my head as a yes. He wasn't my first choice, but I was fine with him touching me.

Matt pressed the pause button and guided me so that I was lying on the bed. His hands made themselves busy with undoing my pants and setting my throbbing need free. His eyes widened at my size.

"Damn Mello! I had no idea you were so huge!"

I blushed and looked away. From his reaction, he was obviously smaller than me. "Shut up and just do it, dummy…"

"Alright, alright…"

Matt grinned and leaned down, taking my hardness into his mouth. I moaned as he sucked on my head as hard as he could. Curiously, I wondered how it would feel if Near was doing this. I tangled my fingers in Matt's red tresses. In my mind, I saw fluffy white curls bobbing up and down between my legs.

I bit my lip to keep my voice under control. I didn't want to moan loudly and get us in trouble. Plus it would be embarrassing if someone else (like Near or Roger) heard. Alas that didn't last too long. Matt flicked his tongue over the tip of my arousal, lapping up my precum.

"…Ahh…aah…" I moaned briefly, but caught myself before too much happened. I bit my lip again.

I felt a vibration that went down my shaft as I heard Matt moan. This new sensation made me moan out again. It went on like this for several more minutes. I could already feel the pressure begin to build up in the pit of my stomach. I lost complete control of myself and came in Matt's mouth, moaning Near's name.

My eyes widened and I slapped my hands over my mouth at the sound of Near's name coming out of my mouth like that. Why him? Why the boy I hate so much? Why not Matt? He was the one who pleasured me after all… Oh God… I moaned Near's name in front of Matt… What would he think? I was very worried about this. Not surprising, given the situation. Hell, this might even break our friendship.

Luckily for me, it seemed that he didn't notice whose name I moaned. Matt was too wrapped up in pleasuring himself to have heard me. Quietly, I sighed with relief. Soon Matt came in his hand and moaned my name loudly. This certainly came as a shocker to me. I hadn't expected him to say my name in such a pleasure filled way…

I looked away, ashamed. Matt obviously loved me in a way I couldn't return. Hell, I had moaned Near's name and he had moaned mine. But that got me wondering. If I had pictured Near and had moaned his name when I came, then did I love him? No. I can't love him. But after all of this happened, I wasn't sure anymore.

I ran out of Matt's room after fixing my pants as fast as I could. Matt watched me, confused as to why I bolted like that. To tell the truth, so was I. It just seemed like the right thing at the time. Plus running was a great way for me to relieve stress.

I stopped outside the Common Room to catch my breath. I bent over, my hands on my knees as I panted heavily. Sure, I was in great shape from playing outside with the other boys almost everyday, but it was a pretty long distance between Matt's room and the Common Room. I heard a quiet, emotionless voice talking to me and looked up to see who it was. My gaze was met by white hair and white clothes. Near.

"Wh-what?" I panted.

"I said, are you okay? You are breathing hard and sweating."

"Oh…I'm fine."

Damn it… Why the hell was he talking to me? I thought he hated me too… But the somewhat worried tone to his eyes and voice said otherwise.

"Would you like some help Mello?" Near asked me again.

I gritted my teeth, glaring. How dare he think that I need help from him! "Hell no!"

I pushed him to the ground and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. That bastard always knew the right was to piss me off. I allowed myself to fall like a sack of potatoes onto my bed, face first. The scream of frustration I let out was muffled by the pillow covering my face. Near would pay for arousing me earlier, and for pissing me off just now. But how should I take my revenge? I couldn't deal any physical damage to him. Roger would give me detention again. Psychological torment doesn't really do much to him…but I could always do something to his toys, or his oh-so-clean room.

Sitting up, I smirked, an evil look coming to rest in my eyes. I knew just what I would do. "Heh heh heh…Just you wait Near. I will get you back for everything you've done to me!" Giggling evilly, I lay down and closed my eyes as I pulled the covers over my head. I fell asleep quickly as my mind filled with ideas of what I could do to that albino fluff ball.

My dreams were filled with images of Near's and my naked bodies tangled together. All I could hear was his voice begging for me to go further, the bedsprings squeaking and groaning under our ever-shifting weight, and my own broken, ragged moans. Our skin was covered in sweat and Near stared up at me with bleary, unfocused eyes. Oh how I wished to paint a picture of this in my mind…

I woke up the next morning when the sun hit my face, wondering why my bed and pants felt sticky. My eyes widened momentarily with realization before narrowing into a glare at a mental image of Near. Because of that damn dream, he would get worse that I had planned the previous night. I grinned malevolently.

"Just you wait, Near. You will pay for everything you've done to me!"

I climbed out of my bed and changed my so I wouldn't feel so sticky anymore. The feel of the soft, clean cotton was comforting to my skin, and the roughness of the denim offered a nice contrast. Once I was fully dressed, I left my room to go to the cafeteria for breakfast. After a few minutes, I sat down at an empty table with a bowl of Coco Puffs. I had only taken a few bites of the chocolaty goodness when Matt sat next to me with a plate of waffles.

I glanced at him for a short moment before looking back down at my cereal. I remembered what happened the night before and blushed. We sat in awkward silence for a moment, neither one of us knowing what to say. I continued to eat my Coco Puffs without a word. After about five minutes, Matt cleared his throat.

"So… Um… What was up last night?"

I swallowed the cereal that was in my mouth before speaking. "What do you mean?" I shoveled another spoonful of breakfast into my mouth.

"Why did you run out of my room after…we finished…_that_?" His face turned as red as his hair.

I dropped my spoon, causing it to clatter against the table noisily. In hindsight, I guess I should have expected him to ask about that. My mind worked at hyper speed to fabricate a good reason. He really didn't need to know that I had accidently moaned Near's name when I came and not his…

"…I was just…embarrassed…"

Yeah, embarrassed. That was good, and it was technically true. But I wasn't going to tell him _why_ I was embarrassed. I saw him sigh with relief.

"That's good. I was afraid it was because I sucked, and not in the good way."

"No, you were great! I swear!"

Matt smiled. "Then would you like to do it again sometime?"

Yeah, with Near. Why the hell did I just think that? My mind just didn't want to work right. I didn't let Matt know what I had just thought, but I still answered.

"Sure. Why not later today?"

I could see his imaginary tail wagging vigorously. It was rather easy to make Matt happy. I quickly finished eating my breakfast. "Well, I have to go now. See you later Matt."

I stood up and took my empty bowl to the back. Then I made my way out of the cafeteria. Just as I was about to walk out the door, I came face to face with Near. I glared at him to cover for the fact that my heart was racing and I felt desire for his pale, mysterious beauty.

"Move it fluff ball. You're in my way."

"I apologize, Mello," he said in his emotionless monotone.

Near stepped to the side and I walked past him, purposefully bumping my shoulder into his roughly. I swear that bastard pisses me off to no end. But at the same time, he can make me so horny… Seeing as Near was out of his room now, I figured it would be the best time to get my revenge.

I made a beeline for his room, padding through the halls quietly. A wicked grin came and planted itself on my lips. The door came into me sight and I stopped in front of it. Before I reached out and grabbed the knob, I looked around to make sure there was no one there to see me do this. Finding the hall empty, save myself, I twisted the knob and pushed the door open and tip-toed in. Slowly, and quietly, I closed the door and locked it. I certainly didn't need to be caught in Near's room.

But unfortunately for me, my plans to make a mess of his room with his toys changed when I inhaled the scent of the room. It smelled completely and totally of Near. My eyes closed and I moaned softly to myself. Slowly, I made my way to his neatly made bed. I didn't really think about my actions, I just did them. First, I sat on the mattress, sort of testing the feel of it. To see how soft it was. …Very soft… Kind of like how I imagine Near's curly locks to feel like…

Then I felt the pressure begin to build up. Damn it… Why did he make me feel this way? I don't want him to be the one constantly on my mind like this! He would pay for making me do this, but I was in serious need of release at this moment.

I reached down and unzipped my pants, then unbuttoned them. I pulled my underwear down enough to set my member free. Maneuvering myself into a comfortable kneeling position on top of the mattress, I wrapped my fingers around my arousal. Slowly, I began to pump myself, moaning lightly at the friction that was so pleasuring.

"…Aah…Nn…" I bit my lip as I moaned to keep the sound under control. I really didn't want to be caught like this in that annoying twat's room.

I continued to pleasure myself; doing things that only instinct could tell me what to do. As I gradually got harder and faster, it became more and more tough to keep my voice in check and I eventually let my lip go from my teeth. This kept going for several minutes, until I finally came. Sighing happily, I laid back so that my head was resting on Near's pillow, enjoying my post-orgasm high. My half-lidded, bleary eyes just stared up at the plain white ceiling. All of the ceilings in Wammy's House were the same, but this one in particular made me smile, thinking about Near.

Suddenly I jolted up with realization as to what I had just done. I growled at another mental image of Near. After pulling my pants back up and arranging myself, I shot out of his bed. In a fit of rage, I completely flipped the mattress over. It crashed to the floor and the pillow and blanket flew in opposite directions. Next I stomped over to his bookshelf and tossed he collection of tomes everywhere and ripped some of them to shreds.

My next target was his closet of toys. I made an odd angered dance of throwing them to all corners of the room. I grabbed a handful of Lego's and twirled in a circle as I tossed them. Then was an armful of robots and action figures. I simply threw them up and let gravity take over with them. Next, I grabbed a teddy bear. I violently ripped its head off and discarded the appendage so that I could pull the stuffing out of its body.

After throwing half of the toys out of the closet, my eyes came upon a fluffy, white, stuffed sheep. I only stared at it, as if a calming wave had come over me. Slowly, I reached for it and picked it up. I decided I wouldn't do anything to hurt this toy. No. I was going to take it with me, to keep as a souvenir. I held the sheep close to my chest as I made my way out of the room, leaving the door open for all to see the chaos I created.

I went back to my room and flopped down on my bed, still holding the sheep to my chest. I buried my face in its fluff and took in Near's intoxicating scent. Something about that simple scent calmed me and soothed me. It made me happy in a way I haven't been in such a long time. It made me feel as if I was truly loved and cared for.

Images of my late mother came into my head. Tears came to my eyes as I craved her embrace and comforting words I knew I could never have again. I cried for the first time in years over the loss of my sweet beloved mother. I needed her to answer some questions about what was going on in my mind; why I felt such things toward my rival and not toward my best friend.

Matt must have heard me crying, for he came into my room and sat next to me. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder that made me jump and look up at him, tears still streaming from my eyes. As much as I didn't want him to see me like this, it was necessary. I sat up from my laying position and flung my arms around his neck and buried my face in his left shoulder. The sheep fell from my arms and ricocheted from my bed to the floor.

Matt's arms wrapped themselves around my back. One of his hands rubbed the small of my back soothingly and his voice was soft in my ear as he tried to calm me down. I must admit, it wasn't Matt that eventually got me to calm down and stop crying. No. It was a memory of my mother telling me that boys shouldn't cry, because they're supposed to be strong, no matter what. I pulled away from Matt, wiping the tears from my eyes and cheeks.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that…" I apologized, looking away from him with shame.

"It's alright Mells. What happened?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"Mello doesn't seem the type to cry over nothing. Tell me what's wrong buddy."

"I just missed my mother, alright? Now stop pestering me about that or I'll have to hurt you."

Matt chuckled. "That's the Mello I know so well!"

"Yeah, yeah. I need to go check on my handiwork."

"Handiwork? Are you the one who totally trashed Near's room?"

I nodded and lifted the sheep from where it had landed on the floor. I smirked somewhat malevolently. "I took this as a trophy." But it wasn't a trophy for me. It was a memento, a memory of Near. But I wasn't about to tell that to Matt.

"Sweet. I had a feeling you were the one to do it."

I stood from my seat on my bed and walked to the door, beckoning for Matt to follow, which he did. After we checked on the chaos, we needed to go to class anyway.

We walked down the hall to Near's room. The door was still open and Near was now inside, picking everything up. I was hoping to see him upset when I walked past, but he was as emotionless as ever. I grit my teeth in annoyance and glared at him. It wasn't that he felt nothing, he just didn't care.

"You bastard!" I snapped and he turned to face me. "You don't love anything or any one, do you?"

Near bit his lip, but didn't answer.

"No. It's not that you _don't_ love, you _can't_ love! And no one can love you. After all, who could love an albino freak?!"

His bottom lip twitched once, but that was it. "What about you Mello?"

"Me? I _hate_ you. Just like everybody else, I _hate you_."

For just a second, I thought I saw a spark of sadness in his emotionless eyes. He turned away from Matt and I, and started to pick up his toys and books again. "How much…do you hate me?" His voice was barely audible, just a tiny whisper.

"With all my being. I hate you so much; I could kill you and not think twice. Hell, I would enjoy it."

But that wasn't true, was it? No…it wasn't. In fact I was just beginning to realize that I truly loved him, that I would be devastated if Near were to die. It he did, I wouldn't be far behind. My life just wasn't complete without Near.

After that, I left and headed for class, Matt following close behind.

"Damn, Mello! I never knew you could be so cruel…"

"It's Near. What do you expect?"

"Dude, that was a bit much, even for him. I mean, I knew you hate him and all, I just didn't think you hated him _that_ much!"

"Matt, you're doing it again."

"Sorry…"

He was quiet after that. When we got close to the classroom, I told Matt to goon without me. I explained that I needed to use the restroom, which we were about to pass. I reassured him that I would get to class on time before I disappeared into the lavatory. I didn't really need to use the toilet, I only wanted a believable excuse to get away from Matt so I could go back to Near. I needed to apologize to him for my earlier words. Thing is, I had an appearance to keep up. I can't have Matt finding out that I've fallen in love with the boy I hate.

Wow… I've really become a paradox, haven't I?

I waited a few minutes to be sure Mat had left for class before exiting the restroom. Carefully, I looked around to make sure there were no teachers in the halls. No need to be caught skipping class. Once I was positive the cost was clear, I made my way back to Near's destroyed room.

The sight I was greeted by upon coming into a close proximity of his room surprised me. Near was kneeling on his floor, his head hung and tears fell from his eyes to his knees. He made no sound and his face showed no emotion. He didn't seem to notice me in the doorway either. I honestly felt really bad for saying all of that to him earlier. I guess he's not as emotionless as I thought…

I opened my mouth to say something, then immediately closed it again. Slowly and carefully, I made my way over to him and kneeled down. I abruptly pulled his tiny, frail form into an embrace, earning a shocked gasp from him.

"Mello!"

"I'm so sorry Near… I didn't mean any of it!"

I held him close to show him that he really was loved, at least by me.

"Mello… How am I supposed to believe you after you said such cruel words?"

"Near, I only said that stuff because I was with Matt. I have an image to uphold!"

"That does nothing to justify what you said."

"Please understand… Everyone here fears and respects me. I can't let them think I've gone soft!"

Near sniffled. I could feel my shirt becoming wet from his tears. My heart sank knowing I had upset him so.

"So your image and reputation are more important than someone else's feelings?"

Hearing these words and the bitterness they held nearly made my heart stop. I hoped I hadn't royally fucked up my chances of getting into a relationship with him, even if it were to be in secret. This frail boy in my arms was the only thing in this world I needed. I held him tighter still.

"I never hated you Mello… I always wondered, 'why does he hate me? Why does he not like me? What did I do to make him angry with me all the time?' …" Near whispered into my chest as I began to gently stroke his hair.

"I didn't like you because you were always number one… Because you can always get better marks than me without even trying while I have to study so hard I make myself sick… But lately my mind hasn't been quite right… I'm so confused…"

"Why are you confused?"

"I'm confused because…I love you, but at the same time, I loath you… I don't know which feeling is more intense, or which one is more true…"

Now Near did something I wasn't expecting. He placed his hands against my chest and pushed me, separating the two of us. My eyes widened with the surprise I was feeling. For the first time since I had met him, I saw such intense emotion in his dark eyes. That emotion was anger. Such extreme anger filled those beautiful orbs, yet they held a slight hint of sadness.

"Do not think I will forgive you just because you say you love me!" he snapped at me. "If you really loved me, you would not care what others thought!"

He ran out of his room, leaving me sitting on the floor with my eyes wide and my mouth gaping. It took a few minutes for me to regain my composure and scramble to my feet and run after him. Luckily Near wasn't too hard to find. I found him just at the end of the hall. He was doubled over on his hands and knees, gasping for breath and sweating badly, one hand grasping at his chest tightly.

"Near! Are you alright?!" I asked my voice filled with worry.

He looked at me, eyes emotionless again. "…The…nurse…" he rasped between gasps of air.

"Alright. Let me help you."

Before he could say anything, I put one of his arms over me shoulder and helped him to his feet. We walked slowly down the hall. Near stumbled a little every now and then, but I held him up and refused to let him fall. Half way to the nurse's office, he came close to passing out so I stopped only long enough to get him on my back and I rushed to the infirmary.

"Help! Nurse Jones!" I called as I bust through the infirmary doors.

Nurse Jones ran up once she saw the state Near was in. She instructed me to lay him in an unoccupied bed as she hurried to fetch some medicine for him. I stayed by his side. The nurse rushed over with an inhaler and handed it to Near, who depressed the button on the top so he could take in the medicine. His breathing steadily returned to normal. Nurse Jones looked at me sternly.

"Mello, how did this happen?" she demanded.

I quickly fabricated a believable lie. "Near came outside to play with me and the other boys. I guess he just over did it a little."

She looked to Near. "Is this true?"

I knew that at this point, Near could have told her what _really_ happened to get me in trouble, and I'm quite sure he knew as well. He glanced at me then looked back at the nurse and nodded. "Yes, it is true. I wanted to play with the other boys, but I over exerted myself."

I sighed with relief and the nurse walked away after telling Near to stay in the infirmary for a couple hours.

"Why did you help me?" I asked.

"Because you helped me. For that I am grateful."

Near sat up and drew close to me. Slowly and hesitantly, he placed a little kiss on my cheek, instantly heating it up. I just knew I was blushing. I brought a hand up and placed it gently on his cheek, caressing the soft skin with my thumb. I came close, lightly brushing his lips with mine. Near pulled away quickly, not used to such feelings or actions.

"Mello… We shouldn't do this…"

"I know… I'm sorry…" We sat in silence or a moment. "I uh…didn't know you have asthma."

"It is just a recent development, nothing more."

Remembering how he was gasping for breath earlier, I became worried again. "Are you ok? You're not going to die, are you?"

"Mello, I am fine. It was only a mild attack."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. If it had been a severe attack, Nurse Jones would have had me hooked up to the defibulator for a couple hours, possibly longer."

"Have you ever had a severe attack?"

"No. I simply did research on it when I was told I had developed asthma."

"Oh… That's a relief."

We fell into silence after that. Near brought a hand up and began curling a lock of his hair between his forefinger and thumb. I found this action to be simultaneously interesting and annoying. It wasn't long before the sounds of children talking and laughing could be heard in the halls. Class was over for the day.

After a few more minutes of silence, I made sure Near was alright one more time before leaving to go to my room. While I walked the halls, the other kids whispered to each other. Some even cringed away when I looked at them. I really wanted to know what was going on with this, but when I asked one boy, he only ran away screaming. This only succeeded in making me even more confused.

Matt was already waiting for me when I entered my room. He grinned at me from where he sat on my bed. I asked him about why everyone was acting so weird when I walked down the halls.

"Oh, that's because I told them you beat up Near and sent him to the infirmary! I mean, that _is_ why you were there with him, right?"

"No you idiot! He wasn't bruised or cut or anything, was he?!" I demanded.

"Well…no… But you had to have done _something_ to him, right?"

"Yeah, I _helped_ him."

"You _**WHAT?!**_"

"I helped him. He was having an asthma attack, so I helped him. Simple as that."

This only confused Matt."But Mells, I thought you hate him…"

"I do, and I do want to be number one, but I want to achieve that goal fair and square, you know that."

"You've changed Mello. You've changed a lot." He stood from my bed and gave me a look of disdain. "Maybe you should go and play with Near from now on." He stormed out of my room, leaving me confused. I didn't know what his problem was or why he seemed jealous of Near at that point.

I laid back on my bed, sighing. I was really fucking myself over now… Near was hesitating to believe how I felt for him, and now I was pushing Matt away without meaning to with my words. Now my life was entering hell…or so I thought.

Near pulled me out of my senses by knocking on my still open door. I almost wanted to yell at him for making me push my best friend away, but I didn't. I simply looked at him standing there, waiting for me to give him permission to enter.

"What do _you_ want?" I demanded, looking away.

"I only wanted to thank you for helping me again," he said quietly. "May I come in?"

Near was always so proper when he spoke. Come to think of it, that time in the infirmary after we kissed was the first and only time I had ever heard him use a contraction… Just what effect did my actions have on his mind? I wanted to find out this information any way I possibly could.

"Sure. Come in."

Slowly, he walked in, approaching me. "May I sit with you?"

Why did he keep asking permission for this? I would have just done it. Thinking about it, I figured it was because he didn't want to make me angry… Understandable, considering my history with him. I nodded to let him know he could sit with me on my bed. He did so, bringing one leg up against his chest. He rested his chin on top of his knee.

"Mello… I have been thinking…"

"About what?"

"…" He was silent for a few minutes. I had to urge him to continue. "…The kiss…in the infirmary…"

"Okay. What about it?"

Near twiddled with his hair in a nervous manor. Did he actually feel nervous? If so, his face didn't show it.

"…I uh…would like to…um…do it again…"

This shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I'm sure it showed on my face because I could feel my mouth was open and gaping. Near looked at me, his face showing slight hints of worry.

"…Is that…bad?"

I snapped back to normal. "Well…no…I'd be fine with it too."

His eyes softened as he smiled. Slowly our faces grew closer until our lips met in a timid kiss. There wasn't much to it other than that. Just a simple brush of the lips. We weren't too quick to part, but we didn't stay like that for long either. We hesitated before coming together again, slowly becoming used to this contact. After experimenting with the first few kisses, we decided to take it a little further. Our tongues were hesitant at first, but soon began to explore each other's mouths.

I quickly took control of the kiss, lowering Near to a laying position, me on top of him. My hands slowly started to roam up his oversized shirt. He squirmed a little as my fingertips ghosted over his too-sensitive skin. I was met by quite a surprise when I reached his chest.

I broke away from the kiss, blinking and gently squeezing the soft, tiny mound under my hand. Near blushed, looking away. Out of curiosity, I lifted his shirt up to find two very small breasts. To confirm my theory, one of my hands went down to touch his crotch.

"Th-there's nothing there!"

This really explained a lot of things… Like why I was so attracted to Near. And why I was wanting to experiment with him–I mean her–rather than Matt.

"Um…yes… I'm a girl…" she said, really embarrassed now. That was the second time I had heard her use a contraction.

My confusion subsided and I smiled at her. I didn't care if Near was really a girl or not, I liked her. I wanted to do this with her and I would take good care of her. Funny thing, I actually liked knowing "he" was a she. Mostly because I knew that I was the only one who knew. And I would keep it that way. It was obvious Near trusted me enough to let me know this secret, and I wouldn't break that trust. Like a silent promise.

I held her eyes with mine, showing that she could trust me and how much I truly cared for her. "Do you want me to stop, or can we continue?" I asked, not wanting to do something that would hurt her more than my earlier words of hate.

"You may continue. I will be fine." She smiled at me. "If anything, I want only you to do it Mello."

"Me too Near."

I caressed her cheek with my thumb. Slowly, my lips met hers once more, our tongues eager to continue their little waltz. My fingers found their way to the buttons of her shirt, undoing them. Briefly, I wondered why she didn't wear a bra, but it left my mind rather quickly. When I had the shirt open, I looked at her pale form. I studied the subtle contours of her body. Before long, my hands moved down to remove those baggy, white pajama pants. It didn't surprise me at all that her panties were also white. Slowly, tantalizingly, I slipped those off too; smirking at how wet she was already.

I held Near's eyes, silently asking if I could touch her. She nodded, giving me the consent I wanted. My left hand moved down her body until it reached her nether region. Slowly and gently I pushed my middle finger into the folds of her heat. She tensed, not used to such a penetration. With my right hand I stroked her cheek gently, reassuring her and telling her to relax. I refused to move my hand and my finger until she was ready for me to.

As soon as her body was relaxed, I pulled my finger out to the nail, and then pushed back in just as gently as before. To help keep her distracted from those actions, I planted a trail of kisses down her cheek, jaw and neck to her breasts. I took one into my mouth and sucked at the nipple. I loved feeling how she writhed under me.

"…Nn…" Near kept her voice muffled by biting her lip.

My right hand stimulated the breast my mouth neglected. Her back arched and I heard and I heard an unmuffled moan escape moan escape her lips. My finger steadily picked up its pace, pumping in and out of her body.

"Oh god…Mello! I can't…Aah!!"

Near moaned loudly as she covered my middle finger with her juices. I moved up, licking my finger clean. She tasted surprisingly sweet, with a nice hint of tang. I smiled down at her kindly.

"You know, I'm really happy you're a girl Near," I said.

"Why is that Mello?" she panted.

"I'm Catholic." The answer was as simple as that. Luckily Near didn't need more of an explanation than that. "Shall we continue?"

She blushed deeply. "…Um…sure…"

Smiling, I moved up to undo my pants and pushed them down, along with my underwear. Near's eyes widened like Matt's had at seeing how large I am. Her gaze kept moving back and forth between my face and my hardness. I'm sure she was questioning how such a thing could fit inside of her.

"It's alright Near. Just relax."

I leaned down and kissed her lips gently as I positioned myself at her entrance, teasing her clit to get her wet once more. That earned me a pleasured moan from her. My fingertips ghosted over the skin of her torso to help distract her as my manhood penetrated her virgin hole. Despite these attempts, she still cried out in pain. Making sure to stay still while she adjusted, I kissed away her tears. Plus it helped her relax her body. After w while, Near bucked her hips, signaling to me that she was ready to continue.

Slowly, I pulled out and thrust back in just as gently and carefully as before. She still tensed up, not used to feeling anything inside her tight, warm caverns. I grunted low with pleasure at the friction we caused.

"Oh god! Near you're so tight!"

"Is that good?" her voice was quiet, trying to hide her discomfort. It was a good thing I was taking it slow and gentle despite my urge to pound into Near mercilessly.

"Yes. It feels so good!"

"I see…" She looked away from me.

I guessed that she was upset because I was in bliss while she was in agony. I brought my hand up to stroke her cheek gently and reassured her that it would be alright and that the pain would be gone soon. She slowly relaxed as I continued with the slow, gentle pace. I started to move a little faster when she finally moaned beautifully, albeit shortly. Near moved her arms up and around my back as I went in deeper.

"…M-mello! Faster!"

I obliged, thrusting in faster. Her back arched and she moaned loudly as I hit her G-spot. With my next thrust, I aimed myself at the same angle and hit it again, getting another writhing moan from her. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a flash of bright red hair in my doorway. I was too preoccupied by my actions with Near to really care about it though. In a few minutes, after thrusting inside her a few more times, we came in unison.

"…Ah! Near!"

"Mello…!"

Hearing her call out my fake name didn't feel quite right to me. I had to let her know that I trusted her with an all important secret of my own. I leaned down so my mouth was next to her ear and whispered quietly.

"It's Mihael. Call me Mihael."

She smiled at me in understanding. She opened her mouth to say something, probably her name, but I stopped her by putting a finger over her mouth.

"You don't have to tell me your name. We've already traded one secret for another."

Near smiled. I pulled out of her and we laid next to each other. As much as I really cared for her, my little sheep, I still couldn't let the others know about these feelings and actions. They are my secrets.

~end~

Ok, first thing I have to say is thank you Akane for giving me the inspiration to write this fic. It came to from playing her Death Note Doujin game called "Poisoned." Secondly, I also want to give thanks to my friend Demon's Sinner for helping me when I got writer's block. Funny thing, half of the ideas for this came from her. She gave me a short summery and I turned it into detail.


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